Looking through my files, I've found multiple folders in varying colors all containing pages upon pages of yellowing paper welcoming me to be a part of something that I chose to be a part of. Whether it be a new job, an elite group, health club or some credit card, I would receive a step by step instructional packet of what I could should expect from being one of the chosen few to reap the benefits. "Welcome to our state of the art health club!" "Thank you for being a team player with The BEST Agency, please read on to understand your role." "Welcome to insert credit card company name here, read on to get a more complete picture of our membership rules...don't forget the small print and oh, here is an 800 number you can call to get an answer or any and all of your questions."
Well, for the last twenty plus years, I have been looking all over the place for my welcome to life packet or better yet, welcome to adulthood, or welcome to motherhood or the surprise, welcome to suddenly getting grey in unexpected areas or the exclusive, welcome to OMG, i'm over 4o and still waiting for the love of my life club"...I could go on and on. Yeah, I know i've been looking for those packets in vain, but you can't blame a girl for dream, can you?
According to some cultures, we choose our parents, in others we are cast into our families, whatever the route we take to get here, we are subjected to traditions we are born into and the consequences of the choices our parents make on our behalf. Those choices inevitably create the foundation that affects how we navigate the ins and outs of our lives. You need examples...Let's say you are born into a family steeped in it's traditional culture and because of that culture, you are to follow said rules and live your life much like your parents, grandparents and ancestors before you. Easy enough. So you do what you are told through the adolescent years and barely survive the teenage years and early twenties, but you do. You look to your family as a template of how to then move into adulthood, the only problem is, steps 24-35+ are not only not the same as your family's, but they are out of order and written in shorthand! So then you try with everything in you to fix what is different, but realize after years of trying to get your life back in the "proper" order, the rules don't seem to apply to you anymore. Here is where the foundation laid at birth comes into play. Do you continue to fight to fit into this familial template that now feels like a vice because you don't want to be the one to break any traditions, or do you create a new beginning for yourself knowing what you could possibly loose? Complicated, right!?!
The thing is, it doesn't matter the scenario, there is a point in all of our lives when we stop and realize although we might have been raised a certain way, our lives are our own to live, at least in most cultures. So many people in the world, especially women, are subject to their culture and living their own life becomes a life or death issue.
For those of us who have the prerogative to live our lives the way we choose to, I think our challenge comes when the rules are amended. Where did I put that Welcome Packet!? We try to figure out who to go to and what to ask and is this the best decision for this situation? The rules changed and I don't know what to do. Can anyone help me? If I decide on B, will A & C still be available if I change my mind? Where is my welcome packet? Where do I sign, because this is just a bit harder than I thought. How affected will my life be if I change everything right now? Did I really just adjust my whole life with this one decision? Now what? I guess you just do it! Just stop asking how to live it and just live it. Well, at least that is what I keep telling myself.
What is satisfying though is when you do choose B, and your family cosigns your decision. Even goes as far as telling you they are proud of you!
Nourish Nurture Sustain & Build ~ Mother's Milk
Well said.
ReplyDeleteI second what Robbin said!
ReplyDelete