Skip to main content

And We're Off!

Wow, October came and went in wharp speed.  It felt like one second I taking in the gradual changing of leaves and the next I was crunching those same leaves underfoot while trick-or-treating with my kid.  During that wharped reality, I spent many hours working, running around, working, catching glimpses of my son (glimpses only because I was working!) and working again.  My day job kinda consumed so much of my life that I put down my dreams and or purpose.  I stopped taking care of myself too.  No gym, prayer, meditation, eating well or sleep...Just work.

So what have I realized during this self imposed hiatus from myself?  That I suddenly felt incredibly lost.  I stopped checking in with my higher self and because I stopped that simple routine of checking in, I started questioning everything.  Questioning my life and prayers and wondering how on earth I was going to make it through to the otherside of the frenetic spell.   How could I get organized?  What was my next move?  Do I really deserve all the good tidings come my way?  Am I really the right person for the job? On and on and on...questioning every part of my existence.  Why, because I was to busy to stop and  check in with my higher self  which could have been benefiting my mental, spiritual and physcial self during this time.

But I'm too busy and tired!  Sad statement, but that is/was my mantra, my chant during this time and every other time my life got/gets overwhelming.  The mantra really needs to be something like "Stop, i'm famished feed me...mind, body and spirit."  Well, i'm gradually getting back on track and I'm feeling so much better.   So much more clarity, so much more direction...I can and will spend more time in November loving my son and myself.


Comments

  1. It seems like that is where I am also. Got some relaxing ( sort of hypnosis) tapes and trying to work less, volenteer less and take care of marcia more.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

THE SKIN I'M IN...

NYC-Embracing & Letting Go of This Skin  I 've  been desperately holding on to old shedding skins.  Skin that has puckered and worn out.  Skin that is snug in all the wrong places and increasingly more and more uncomfortable.  Skin that no longer serves me and is completely unrecognizable.  Skin that I've been terrified to let go of and allow to decompose because the new just felt/feels terrifying.  The new feels/felt so different.  I'm not even sure how to wear it or even approach this skin.  What part of me do I dress/address first...Do I start with putting it on from my head or my feet?  Or do I put it on like a front button down dress with at least 100 buttons that need attention?  I'm not sure how to wear this new skin.  I'm not sure how to approach this new skin,  so I've isolated myself more  than ever.  I've hid myself away but I find myself seeking to connect and be held; be in spaces with more than just me & this ill-fitting version of myse

Dear Single Mama!

The Early Years of Figuring It Out! You got this!   Yes, YOU GOT THIS!   I know you’re wrapping presents solo.   I know you might be feeling guilt because you couldn’t afford all the spoils for your babe(s).   I know you’re possibly pushing through some unhealed traumas, negative balances, uncertainty, exhaustion & being the safe space AKA emotional punching bag for said babes…whom you are also wracking your brain trying to figure out how to give them the world & keep them shielded from the perils of that same world including your ish…What am I saying?   You’re keeping your spinning plates going!   You’ve come so far!   Remember when you didn’t have right in this moment (job, an apartment, safety, a couple of extra dollars, food, new furniture, new friends, new love, school, accomplishments…) YOU have come so far!   YOU have done your very best to keep the fruit of your womb safe & supported.   So take a moment to honor yourself as you figure out how to make duct tape look

BIG UPS TO THE KID & HIS OG (aka his Mama)

Move Out Day! "To love means to embrace & at the same time to withstand many many endings, and many many beginnings- all in the same relationship"   Clarissa Pinkola Estés (Women Who Run With The Wolves) I was recently speaking with a friend of mine about raising our sons.  Our boys are on the precipice of crossing over into young adulthood.  Roaming the world with less of a tether...making their own decisions... Somedays I wish I could somehow put my son back in my belly.  Somedays more than others, I wish for this extreme unrealistic regression because at least when he was in my belly; he was tucked in that protective pouch filled with fluid to pad him from any jarring experiences.  I wish I could protect him from EVERY bump, ditch, divet, tsunami, tidal wave, earthquake type of trauma...but I can't and those times where all I can do is be a place for him to lay his burden down and soak up is pain filled tears...I squeeze him with all might in hopes that my arms and