BIG UPS TO THE KID & HIS OG (aka his Mama)

Move Out Day!

"To love means to embrace & at the same time to withstand many many endings, and many many beginnings- all in the same relationship" 

Clarissa Pinkola Estés (Women Who Run With The Wolves)

I was recently speaking with a friend of mine about raising our sons.  Our boys are on the precipice of crossing over into young adulthood.  Roaming the world with less of a tether...making their own decisions...

Somedays I wish I could somehow put my son back in my belly.  Somedays more than others, I wish for this extreme unrealistic regression because at least when he was in my belly; he was tucked in that protective pouch filled with fluid to pad him from any jarring experiences.  I wish I could protect him from EVERY bump, ditch, divet, tsunami, tidal wave, earthquake type of trauma...but I can't and those times where all I can do is be a place for him to lay his burden down and soak up is pain filled tears...I squeeze him with all might in hopes that my arms and my breathe & my heartbeat are enough.  I pray that my hopes and my dreams fill him up so much that all that isn't good or right dissipates.

I wrote this some years ago.  I have no recollection what my son was going through at the time I was writing this, but i'm sure his 18 year old self was experiencing one of the many jarring growing pains one experiences who is on the precipice of adulting.  I know that I was definitely feeling a mixture of his fear/angst & overwhelming insecurity of the last 18 years of my parenting...my internal voice bombarding me with questions of was it enough? was that the best choice?, why didn't I do more and every other emotionally unraveling inquisition the rabbit hole was taking me...Yes, i'm digressing...

18-22 does not seem like very many years, but the push & pull & depth & growth that happened during those few years was immeasurable.  From getting through a jam packed Senior year of HS (I believe 3 plays, 2 music videos, spoken word competitions, homework, SR Prom (he was Prom King) to navigating & trying to figure out balancing his college experiences with his professional acting experiences, through being home with me during the maddening pandemic...We really got to know each other in different ways.  We got to dive into the next iteration of our Mother/Son dynamic so that meant lots of time apart in our small space and lots of time together being introspective and cooking & making cocktails, and binging whatever was on TV and doing lots of yoga and crying and praying and writing and walking...you know, Quarantining...To then a year later him moving out of our home and moving in with his bestie into an awesome space they worked so hard to find...August 1st, 2021...Yes, I'm totally memorializing this day because m
y heart now officially lived completely out of range...Our physical homes were no longer the same & it was our first time not co-habitating.  Yes in this first year he had his struggles and challenges and made his, "this is my first grown crib", mistakes but came through that first year living on his own stronger than Ive ever seen him and more determined to live his very best life.  He learned more about himself and maybe a quarter of what he is capable of achieving because the amount his Grandmother prayed for him & his family & community gassed him up, & his amazing work ethic & him truly embracing his greatness, the sky is the limit for him!    

At this stage in his life, I am learning so much from him.  He is reminding me of my 20 something self who was a bit of a free bird.  He has been my inspiration to "Do It Afraid" and has been my rock on those occasions that I truly needed support.  He has showed up for me in ways that he learned from me and that I forgot and in new ways that seem so audacious for my reach but his living testimony shows me otherwise.  

As he finishes up his first Main Stage Equity play at a premier theater in Chicago which was attended by so many folks from his early adolescents to his present...I can see that my 22 year old son is living and finding multiple ways to thrive in his life.  National Son's Day just passed and I can confidently look at him and say "HE IS DOING IT!" & "I DID THAT!" 

Happy National Son's Day!  Also Happy National Proud Mama Moment! 

Opening Night!

"You keep those embers burning because you my dear are destined to be on fire!" (Moira Rose - Yes, I know another Schitt's Creek moment but when it's good it's good)