MOTHER'S MILK WORLD

NYC-Embracing & Letting Go of This Skin  I 've  been desperately holding on to old shedding skins.  Skin that has puckered and worn out.  Skin that is snug in all the wrong places and increasingly more and more uncomfortable.  Skin that no longer serves me and is completely unrecognizable.  Skin that I've been terrified to let go of and allow to decompose because the new just felt/feels terrifying.  The new feels/felt so different.  I'm not even sure how to wear it or even approach this skin.  What part of me do I dress/address first...Do I start with putting it on from my head or my feet?  Or do I put it on like a front button down dress with at least 100 buttons that need attention?  I'm not sure how to wear this new skin.  I'm not sure how to approach this new skin,  so I've isolated myself more  than ever.  I've hid myself away but I find myself seeking to connect and be held; be in spaces with more than ...

Dear 2018, I didn't greet you with vision and strength.  My resolutions barely full words, only letters tethered together out of obligation to other's expectation.  I was barely holding on to myself at that time, let alone ideas of a self I was supposed to resolve to work toward. All I knew was that I needed to get up for the sake of my son.  I had to get up to make sure he was getting everything he needed and that I supported his life...When he wasn't present, I was no where near present for my life.  I actively stopped showing up for myself.  The latter part of last year and much of this year is when my disappearance started to become noticeable.  I lost friends and what feels like a multitude of opportunities.   It was quite difficult to face folks anymore.  How was I supposed to explain myself when my words were stifled by pain & shame.  As much as I tried to be present for my son, he unfortunately felt my vacancy...Every time I lef...

Jessica Hampton Mother - Daughter - WOMAN  She was on the Red Line train in the middle of the day this past June.  25 year old young woman Jessica Hampton, whom I read was working incredibly hard to get her life together.  She was learning to love herself again. She stopped drinking and was probably thinking of what her next steps to living her best life with & for her daughter who she has left behind...a six year old daughter. Jessica Hampton was loved by many.  She was on her way somewhere and she shook her head no to him and he stabbed her multiple times.  No one stepped in to help her.  People screamed and ran in the opposite direction.  People videotaped her death and took in her demise through a lens and did not step in to stop it. Like many women, she found herself with a man whose intentions for her ended up being violence at all costs.  This individual has gone to jail for this crime against a woman who simply said no to him an...

I woke up this morning with Bresha Meadows on my heart.  I was wondering what she was going through right now.  What it took for her to be pushed to her breaking point.  At the tender age of 14, she gathered everything inside of her to pick up her father's gun...the same tool her father handily used to terrorize Bresha, her sisters and her mother, and shoot her father.  Her 14 years of unrest, trauma and horrific home-life gave her all that she needed to stop the destruction the man she was supposed to look to for love and protection caused. She loved, served and protected her family in their time of need...So the question so many are asking, where was her mother?  Why couldn't she be the one to stop the violence?  Why couldn't she remove her family from the hell that her husband cause?  I know I initially asked these questions.  I wondered why, as a mother, she could allow ANYONE to hurt her children.  As I cried over her daughter's plight...

Here I am stumbling through the process of learning to love myself… Yup, I’m challenged, but pushing forward because I can’t look back, I don’t want to look back.  This my friends, is so important.  This is my chance to finally get through the fear and bust through the ribbon at the finish line, only to train for yet another journey.  It ain’t over till it’s over!  Loosing my mother has taken away a part of me that was unconditional love for me.  The day she passed, that void of feeling loved purely and unconditionally without question of worthiness felt so vast and empty.  Nothing could fill it up.  I've hated how awful and lonely that has been/had been making me feel.  So I've decided to do something about it.  I decided to find a way to fill that empty space with self love.  Face to void and fill it! So let me tell you about my last couple of days of loving myself.  I started out my Sunday morning spending time with my sno...

Us... It's been one week and a few days since my mother transitioned.  My heart is both broken and relieved. Broken because I can no longer hold her hand, hear her laugh, see her smile, look into her kind eyes, lay my weary head on her lap, listen to her voice...Relieved because her body and mind can no longer cause her pain and torment.  She suffered for so many years.  This life had given the chance to see & experience so much of the world, explore her boundaries, realize her strength and unfortunately feel emotional and physical pain deeper and more profound than most people could bear.  It was to much...She held on through pain until she felt my son and I were going to be okay...supported & loved through this life...This is what I shared at her memorial... July 27th 1942 - July 7th 2016 My mother really didn’t want any fuss “when the time came”.   I believe part of it was her not wanting to inconvenience anyone and the other part ...

Life is what you make it.  I've learned that through so many lessons and in so many ways over the years.  Most of those lessons i've learned have been from the women in my life.  Some have been my ride or die homies who have mothered me through whatever emotional or physical trauma I was experiencing to the random momma stranger on the street who's momma .  It was these moments that made me understand the importance of my circle of women.   I'm so thankful for the many times I was emotionally rescued by these surrogate mothers in my life also known as my friends, my sisters, my aunties, my co-workers, my son's friend's moms, my friend's moms, and at the top of that list...my mom .  Women who had no obligation to my healing.  They simply were expressing their mother-nature, an extremely challenging emotion to avoid.  It's like an impulse...much like child birth when it comes time for a woman to push, it is an impulse that women cannot stop the...