Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Caught Up In the Weeds

It's funny, one gets caught deep in the recesses of their emotions and tries desperately to find their way out only to beat themselves up for getting caught up...Well, I got caught up and beat myself up for being stuck...when everything else around me has been moving forward, emotionally I've been still...very, very still..Like nothing.  Feeling only the periphery of my joy, pain, sadness, pride, fulfillment...I have been my most stoic self.  The difference between the stoic and how I was feeling was the stoic self was/is the act of covering up the emotions verses my non emotions.  I've been asking myself WTF IS GOING? No answer, just silence and no real feelings...wanting desperately to cry...but nothing.

I think I've finally realized what has been going on, I've been caught up in the weeds of change.  LOTS AND LOTS of change and overwhelming feelings to boot.  At first I found myself desperately cutting through the tall weeds of change feeling like I was getting nowhere at all.  Just more and more weeds. What was I trying to cut through?  My decisions verses my heart verses the state of my emotional affairs verses the weeds that felt they were grabbing at me and chocking me.   I got tired of chopping through it all and just stopped.  Stopped feeling or at least really embracing my feelings because it was just too much.  I sat in the weeds and felt life blow by.  Just tired...very tired.

I have been slowly getting up and working my way through the weeds.  Why, because my life needs me to be fully present.  It keeps blessing me with an abundance of options that can potentially lead me to living my very best life...my purpose.  It feels good to be up again.  Glad to be making my way back through the weeds.