Why, of all the words and phrases that have been uttered in Oscars do Sally Field's words stay with us? "You like me, you really do like me!" Finally feeling loved, respected and most of all validated by her peers. Although she has stated that her words were parodied from a few lines in her movie Norma Rae, these words resonated deeply with people.
It's human nature to want validation. It's human nature to want people to like you. It's not abnormal at all to compromise a bit of yourself to be more likable, compromise a bit of yourself to be validated.
The problem comes in when you start to lose yourself in compromise. Lose yourself in what other people feel and think about you. It becomes a problem because now it's no longer about you, but about everyone else and what they think of you.
What starts as innocent and simple want for validation becomes a necessity. Becomes the make you make decisions. Becomes the way you prioritize. Becomes the way you decide every aspect of your life. The problem with this...you find yourself not being able to please anybody least of all yourself. You start not liking who you are because you've lost sight of what matters most...you.
"If self love and forgiveness got together, their baby would be freedom" ~ Anonymous
So what do we do to pull ourselves out of this validation spiral? Take a deep breathe...Start caring more about what you think about yourself. Start making your opinion count for more than just a confirmation of other people's opinion's of you. Start forgiving yourself for not showing up in your own life. Start realizing that your opinion about yourself matters so much more than anybody else's. Ahhhh...I feel so much better already.
Great moment at church was when the preacher/teacher said that he wanted to give the congregation a gift: "I don't care what any of you think of me!" He said emphatically, "and I hope that you can take this gift and use it. His opinion of himself ranks higher than all others. What an awesome gift. The freedom to not give a damn about anyone's opinion, because mine is the most important.
"It's not your job to like me, it's mine" ~ Byron Katie