Friday, February 28, 2014

You Really Like Me....




Why, of all the words and phrases that have been uttered in Oscars do Sally Field's words stay with us? "You like me, you really do like me!"  Finally feeling loved, respected and most of all validated by her peers.  Although she has stated that her words were parodied from a few lines in her movie Norma Rae, these words resonated deeply with people.

It's human nature to want validation.  It's human nature to want people to like you.  It's not abnormal at all to compromise a bit of yourself to be more likable, compromise a bit of yourself to be validated.
The problem comes in when you start to lose yourself in compromise.  Lose yourself in what other people feel and think about you.  It becomes a problem because now it's no longer about you, but about everyone else and what they think of you.   

What starts as innocent and simple want for validation becomes a necessity.  Becomes the make you make decisions.  Becomes the way you prioritize.  Becomes the way you decide every aspect of your life.  The problem with this...you find yourself not being able to please anybody least of all yourself. You start not liking who you are because you've lost sight of what matters most...you.

"If self love and forgiveness got together, their baby would be freedom" ~ Anonymous

So what do we do to pull ourselves out of this validation spiral?  Take a deep breathe...Start caring more about what you think about yourself.  Start making your opinion count for more than just a confirmation of other people's opinion's of you.  Start forgiving yourself for not showing up in your own life.  Start realizing that your opinion about yourself matters so much more than anybody else's.   Ahhhh...I feel so much better already.  

Great moment at church was when the preacher/teacher said that he wanted to give the congregation a gift: "I don't care what any of you think of me!" He said emphatically, "and I hope that you can take this gift and use it.  His opinion of himself ranks higher than all others.  What an awesome gift.  The freedom to not give a damn about anyone's opinion, because mine is the most important.  


 

"It's not your job to like me, it's mine" ~ Byron Katie

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

THE LONGEST JOURNEY

 The longest distance in the world is from the head to the heart

The head lays out the plan. Making sure to breakdown every detail of every detail of every detail.  The heart on the other takes that idea and confirms the awesomeness of the plan and tells you to GO FOR IT! 

Here is the problem, at least for me;  I get a plan in my head...I get excited about it in my heart...I go back to my head and make this idea so incredibly big and unattainable that all of a sudden I feel foolish for thinking I could make this plan happen.   I mean seriously...What was I thinking?  Then my heart breaks under the weight of the deferred/missed potential.  I am amazed that I've realized any plans/ideas/dreams with this haphazard dance.  It's like walking to the edge of a diving board that you've jumped, flipped, dove off a million times, bouncing just enough to test it's buoyancy, then someone (you) says that it is way too impossible for you to jump off this board.  Didn't you just see all those other people who were much more qualified, had better agility do amazing dives? So you do the sensible thing, ignoring the urging in your heart, and walk away.

Another little ditty i read~
"As long as we maintain a rational perspective on our personal condition, we will remain stuck. In psychological jargon, this is called "isolating". It means walling off an emotionally charged situation and thinking, rather than feeling, it through. No emotion, no investment - no investment, no movement. It's really pretty simple stuff."

So as I think about those moments when I find myself staring into the water at the edge of a board, I guess my conversation in my head is - pause - think - and then listen to your heart.  Doing this exercise has helped me pave a more defined road which leads from my head to my heart.  Because it is an exercise, I don't/won't beat myself up if it takes multiple attempts to take that leap and dive in.  
What do you guys think?  Do you have this same challenge?

thanks for reading...the entry brought to you by the head meets heart experience.