Wednesday, December 14, 2011
I know, I know - "Just put one foot in front of the other" - "focus on the moment you are in" - "don't make a mountain out of a molehill" - "baby steps" etc...
What many of us do is spend our time reaching for the very out of reach top of the mountain while steadily climbing toward it ignoring every step we've painstakingly taken thus far. Ignoring these steps is so dangerous. Not accessing how far you've come already can cause you to misinterpret how close you are to attaining your goal causing you to want to give up and let go...At least that is how I have functioned in the past, fine, and a little in the present too.
What helps me get through to myself is when I start focusing on the accomplishment at hand. I start to embrace each of my building blocks, seeing them as individual victories. This way of thinking gave/gives me the fuel to continue striving for the top of the mountain. It also has helped/helps me to appreciate what each block, step, moment was/is teaching me.
Little victories...The micro details of my journey enable the completion/accomplishment of the macro vision/goal/challenge.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
I've been thinking about this saying lately, or actually, the saying has really been resonating with me lately. As I gradually get a stronger grip on my ever evolving life, it is becoming more clear why I was loosening my grip to begin with. Not at all shocking is that life has been a bit overwhelming and full of barely noticeable changes as well as foundation altering ones. Each change brought on some level of shift which caused me to loosen my grip on my own personal reality. A few things started to happen with me. I was loosening my grip, loosing my grit and I ultimately started loosing my focus. Man I've been wanting to run away from my life, but since that was not an option, I started to just function to survive and not to live, really live. Get up, take care of child, go to work, come home and do it again, that is what made sense and helped me manage what felt like an emotional free fall. Don't worry folks, I've moved out of that space. Getting a grip.
So going back to the title of this post, when one starts to loosen their grip, the little details of life fall to the wayside. Working out, eating well, praying, laughing, cleaning...Each of these activities give us clarity on different levels. Working out...purges toxins from your system through sweat...Eating well...feeds your body and keeps toxins at bay, by building helping to build your immune system...praying - strengthens and feeds your soul and clears the spiritual house...laughing - it feels good and lifts your spirits, cleaning out the emotional grime and build up...Cleaning - a clean home, workspace, car or whatever physical space that is associated with you can help you function at your highest vibration or self. All of these actions get you to closer to your highest self, your best self, also known as your God/Self..
Cleanliness = God = Clarity = A firm grip on all the changes (big & small).
Saturday, November 26, 2011
I know, my "what I am thankful for this thanksgiving" blog entry is showing a up a few days later because, well, I took the time out to spend with me, my son, my home, my spirit etc. I had time to just be. What a great thing!
So yes, I am thankful for having the time to sit down with my son and share each others visions in the form of a collage. I've heard people say that we should treat our lives like a business. If you live it all willy-nilly without a plan or a purpose, who knows if you will ever get to live your purpose; If you choose to have a plan and a vision for what you want your life to look like, you more than likely will get to the point where you live your very best purpose filled life. Damn I wish I had that nugget of knowledge much sooner in life...
I guess what matters is that I get it now and I am sharing it with my 11 year old boy. Doing this with my son created an opportunity for a dialouge that fed both our curiosities about each other. This also gave us the fodder to support each other's visions. Yes, I know he is a kid, but he has dreams and visions of what he wants his life to be. That vision of life that is so idealistic and without any possible boundaries. His dreams are still technicolor and boundless. My boy has an unobstructed view of his best life ever! Compared to mine...a bit jaded and dipped in way to much reality.
Doing our vision boards together forced me lighten up a bit and believe in the universe, God to bless my hearts desires.
I'm thankful...very thankful...for this time.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
So what have I realized during this self imposed hiatus from myself? That I suddenly felt incredibly lost. I stopped checking in with my higher self and because I stopped that simple routine of checking in, I started questioning everything. Questioning my life and prayers and wondering how on earth I was going to make it through to the otherside of the frenetic spell. How could I get organized? What was my next move? Do I really deserve all the good tidings come my way? Am I really the right person for the job? On and on and on...questioning every part of my existence. Why, because I was to busy to stop and check in with my higher self which could have been benefiting my mental, spiritual and physcial self during this time.
But I'm too busy and tired! Sad statement, but that is/was my mantra, my chant during this time and every other time my life got/gets overwhelming. The mantra really needs to be something like "Stop, i'm famished feed me...mind, body and spirit." Well, i'm gradually getting back on track and I'm feeling so much better. So much more clarity, so much more direction...I can and will spend more time in November loving my son and myself.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
So then it happens, the universe answers. It's never anything outright though. It usually shows up in the form of multiple choice situations. (a) Do X and leave Y, although X is new, it could maybe be the best decision you ever made...or not (b) Although X sounds good, Y is what you really need to do because, it's just cool or at least that is what everyone else keeps telling you. (c) Do nothing, shut down or retreat and run like hell! Okay, so (c) is not always the best option, but it is the most consistent option. (a) & (b) more often than not present themselves in different ways, yet (c), well (c) is forever there.
I think what happens is that there are times when you are completely prepared to choose and then there are those times when you are overwhelmed by your choices. I know you asked for it, but being ready for what you asked for when it shows up is different then when you are simply having a moment and saying"God I really want...." The moment you actually get to experience your wishes and dreams come to pass, the feelings you have aren't always to run and embrace them initially. It can feel so unreal because you know that you've worked your tail off, toiled, cried and prayed for it for so long and then it shows up...In different forms though. The multiple choice I spoke about earlier.
About that multiple choice, I think it's the Universe or God's way of making sure you really know what you want. To make sure you are paying attention to the details of the life that you have been begging for. Maybe it is also God's way of giving you the option to choose an okay life or a spectacular one...
Monday, September 12, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
I started to doubt who I was and what I was capable of, so I put my fate and destiny in the hands of a large corporation. I started to depend on this corporation to tell me where I needed to be in life and how they were going to make that happen for me. The problem has been though, that their idea of my success verses my idea of my success are completely different. See, they have had a business plan and a vision of what their future of their business looked like and although my name was/is not written in the original business plan, what I had to offer was definitely in the plan. Hmmm...
This has got me thinking, why don't I have a business plan for my own life? What can I do to ensure that I attract the right energy, people or whatever it is I need to my life to fulfill my personal life goals. No, i'm not saying sit down and write a full blown million word business plan, i'm thinking more like a vision board. I've done a few before and found them to be a great tool of inspiration for whatever it is that I was wishing for.
A good plan if I say so myself. Visualize the future what you want by creating a collage of what you really want. Visualize by not only laying it all out, but by meditating and praying about it. Getting a true picture of what you want makes it possible to have a successful plan that can help all your dreams come into fruition.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Well, like with just about anything that is traumatic, people congregated at the local watering hole to commiserate...drinking and eating and laughing and crying and hugging all the while feeling dazed and confused at what the future possibly held.
The conversations over and over again were about next steps. The answers varied...Going to Paris, moving out of state, going back to school, cleaning up the resume and joining linked in and the list went on...The interesting thing was this was not just a conversation with the freshly unemployed it was held even by the ones that still had an active key card.
So what prompts these conversations? I guess like any moment of forced change, we find ourselves doing our best to regain control of our destiny. Forced changed holds the mirror up to the puppet strings that on occasion felt like a nuisance, but for the most part felt very supportive. These moments when the puppeteer decides to cut off the strings and disassociate, you really find yourself questioning your life.
What point did I hand over the strings to my life? Is it that I'm terrified to start being the puppeteer in my own life? Maybe it's the little people who depend on every decision you make or the decisions you have to make are overwhelming and daunting. Why not let someone else take control? Maybe you take another chance with a puppeteer who might be kind enough to hold on to you until you are ready to be released? Or maybe you decide to take a chance and control your own life? Seriously, what the hell do you do? Puppet or Puppeteer?
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Sorry, I didn't mean to take you so deep into my head, but it helps make the point and I'm not so lost or feeling that low anymore. I've come a very long way, but with any freshly healed wound, a wrong move or extra pressure can reopen it and healing has to start all over again. The upside of reopened wounds is that they are rarely as deep at they originally were because of the deep healing that has already taken place.
Okay, so let's get back to feeling worthy and the many challenges that come with it. Self worth is something that from birth needs to be nourished from birth. Letting a baby or child know how worthy of life it is by loving, hugging and kissing them and sacrificing for their well-being lays the foundation. Unfortunately, all the love and sacrifice that has been put into this little being to create a bubble of self worth can be instantly undone with one bad encounter which ends up having enough impact causing a lifelong affect.
I am worthy...I think, or at least that is what I want for myself is to be worthy of all these wants and desires that fill my being. How do I live up to these wants and desires? I guess I start by nourishing what has been starved by slowly nourishing my self worth. So, I just start from the top of the list, taking one want and desire at a time. Telling myself every step of the way that I am worthy, that God did pick the right person to fulfill this desire or want...me. I AM WORTHY!
Nourish Nurture Sustain Build ~ Mother's Milk
Monday, July 25, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Good morning moms and friends,
Here I am a few days later stumbling through the process of learning to love myself…
Yup, I’m challenged, but pushing forward because I can’t look back, I don’t want to look back. This my friends, is to important. This is my chance to finally get to the other side of this fear and finally tear through the ribbon at the finish line, only to train for yet another journey, but I digress. It ain’t over till it’s over!
So let me tell you about my last couple of days of loving myself. I started Monday morning spending time with my snooze button. My tired body was in a tumultuous battle with my hungry spirit and sadly, the body won. Yes, that disappointment that just laid itself on your heart stayed present with me even after a very long and thorough shower. I lotioned myself and put on the intimates and then stopped...I thought back to the day before and the promise to love myself blindly, unconditionally and one that I did not write about - self Judgment.
Believe you/me, I had already had the “you’ve messed up again - It’s not in you -you aren’t worthy - typical of you" recording playing in my head. Well naturally the next most logical thing to do was face myself. I reluctantly approached my mirror. I fought to catch my own gaze. I discovered many new lines, freckles and hairstyle options all while avoiding my own gaze. Why was it so hard? Why was this such a challenge? I finally noticed the little freckle in the corner of my left eye forcing me to actually connect with own big brown eyes. I did it…but now I had to say the words, and mean them. What did I finally tell myself? What did I finally embrace? You are going to be just fine. Oh, by the way, I love how deep and penetrating your eyes are. I…L..LO..I….I LOVE YOU! I felt silly for not having done that sooner, but I promised no judgment.
Tuesday & Wednesday I started my mornings with the same tumultuous battle of tired body and hungry spirit…Spirit triumphed. I woke up with no judgment, just resolve. Pray – Mediate – Exercise – Love yourself and Repeat, pushing for that finish line of this part of my journey.
Nourish Nurture Sustain Build - Mother Milk
So what has having a loving pause in the mirror, a moment of meditation & prayer and a forced 40 minutes of sweat and tears done for me in the last couple of days? It has nourished my soul.
I lost my internet connection, I was yelled at and chastised and oh, my blog disappeared…My usual response to all of this would usually be to shut down and eat everything in sight. This time, I ate everything in sight, but didn't stop the forward progress. Starting my day with nourishing my soul with love and God and goodness seems to be the necessary medicine to keep me grounded. Taking in the world in with my third eye and spiritual mind. I Love me and i'm going to be okay.