MOTHER'S MILK WORLD

Over the years, I've run into moments in my life where I've gotten caught up in macro verses the micro.  Instead of focusing on getting my footing as I make/made my way up my Kilimanjaro challenge, obstacle, moment whatever, my eyes would instead focus in on the enormity of what was/is ahead/in front of me leaving me feeling overwhelmed and defeated.  I know, I know - "Just put one foot in front of the other" - "focus on the moment you are in" - "don't make a mountain out of a molehill" - "baby steps" etc... What many of us do is spend our time reaching for the very out of reach top of the mountain while steadily climbing toward it ignoring every step we've painstakingly taken thus far. Ignoring these steps is so dangerous. Not accessing how far you've come already can cause you to misinterpret how close you are to attaining your goal causing  you to want to give up and let go...At least that is how I have functioned in th...

At least that is how the saying goes.  I never completely understood what the saying meant, all I knew was that if I cleaned up, God would be proud of me, at least that is how my mom sold it to me.  I've been thinking about this saying lately, or actually, the saying has really been resonating with me lately.  As I gradually get a stronger grip on my ever evolving life, it is becoming more clear why  I was loosening my grip to begin with.  Not at all shocking is that life has been a bit overwhelming and full of barely noticeable changes as well as foundation altering ones.  Each change brought on some level of shift which caused me to loosen my grip on my own personal reality.  A few things started to happen with me.  I was loosening my grip, loosing my grit and I ultimately started loosing my focus.  Man I've been wanting to run away from my life, but since that was not an option, I started to just function to survive and not to live, real...

Just finished working on vision boards with my son.  We've been threatening to do this forever, but life continued to occupy every hour of the day.   I know, my "what I am thankful for this thanksgiving" blog entry is showing a up a few days later because, well, I took the time out to spend with me, my son, my home, my spirit etc.  I had time to just be.  What a great thing! So yes, I am thankful for having the time to sit down with my son and share each others visions in the form of a collage.  I've heard people say that we should treat our lives like a business.  If you live it all willy-nilly without a plan or a purpose, who knows if you will ever get to live your purpose; If you choose to have a plan and a vision for what you want your life to look like, you more than likely will get to the point where you live your very best purpose filled life.  Damn I wish I had that nugget of knowledge much sooner in life... I guess what matters is that I...

Wow, October came and went in wharp speed.  It felt like one second I taking in the gradual changing of leaves and the next I was crunching those same leaves underfoot while trick-or-treating with my kid.  During that wharped reality, I spent many hours working, running around, working, catching glimpses of my son (glimpses only because I was working!) and working again.  My day job kinda consumed so much of my life that I put down my dreams and or purpose.  I stopped taking care of myself too.  No gym, prayer, meditation, eating well or sleep...Just work. So what have I realized during this self imposed hiatus from myself?  That I suddenly felt incredibly lost.  I stopped checking in with my higher self and because I stopped that simple routine of checking in, I started questioning everything.  Questioning my life and prayers and wondering how on earth I was going to make it through to the otherside of the frenetic spell.   How could I get...

This or something better...At least that is what I would love to believe or need to believe as my truth to continue to have faith in the unknown future. Think about it, all you have is hard work, small to no results and encouraging words. And if you are really on the right emotional path you sometimes get that anxious feeling that resides deep your belly. Really?! So then it happens, the universe answers.  It's never anything outright though.  It usually shows up in the form of multiple choice situations.  (a) Do X and leave Y, although X is new, it could maybe be the best decision you ever made...or not (b) Although X sounds good, Y is what you really need to do because, it's just cool or at least that is what everyone else keeps telling you. (c) Do nothing, shut down or retreat and run like hell!  Okay, so (c) is not always the best option, but it is the most consistent option.  (a) & (b) more often than not present themselves in different ways, yet (c)...

Yes, I'm going there, I'm about quote Oprah, actually, I'm quoting Marianne Williamson's words to Oprah: "Until you accept the magnitude of your function, Your unconscious mind will sabotage any attempt to your full magnificence.  Your self concept has to match your manifestation or else the manifestation is doomed.   Shift your core belief about who or what you are..." Looking back through all my previous posts, I know I've written about everything from self forgiveness to sabotage etc...All with good intentions for each reader as well as myself.  Well, if I'm really going to be honest, these posts have been more about my own personal journey as I trip through and to my highest self.  I guess I share them with you for assurance that I am not alone and my mishaps and victories are experiences so many others have had or are in the midst of having...simply put, support. Every word I've written and action I've taken to get to kno...

So now that your puppet strings have been cut, by you or someone else, what's next?  My guess would be learning to walk on your own again for starters.  Because once upon a time you did.  For me, I was walking and running on my own in my twenties.  I was excited by my own destiny.  I got to create that and it was okay.  I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but there was a point where I started to doubt my ability to make things happen. I started to doubt who I was and what I was capable of, so I put my fate and destiny in the hands of a large corporation.  I started to depend on this corporation to tell me where I needed to be in life and how they were going to make that happen for me.  The problem has been though, that their idea of my success verses my idea of my success are completely different.  See, they have had a business plan and a vision of what their future of their business looked like and although my name was/is not written in...

It's been an emotionally jarring week for me.  A very large group of people whom I've grown to care about and have worked with for years were released from their duties at the corporate conglomerate that I am still employed by.  Many of us knew it was coming and we knew it would be large, but wow there was nothing that could prepare us for the wave of emotional horror.  Sadness, anger, more sadness, relief, fear, hate, sadness, confusion, fear, sadness, relief and so forth and so on times a 1000. Well, like with just about anything that is traumatic, people congregated at the local watering hole to commiserate...drinking and eating and laughing and crying and hugging all the while feeling dazed and confused at what the future possibly held. The conversations over and over again were about next steps.  The answers varied...Going to Paris, moving out of state, going back to school, cleaning up the resume and joining linked in and the list went on...The interesting ...

The past is history , so why do we hold on to it so intensely?  Why on Earth do we let it control so much of the who what where and why in our lives?  The future is a mystery , yet we bet everything on it and hope and pray that we are right or in some cases wrong about it.  And while we wrack our brains with how to fix our past so our future will not be the same, we forget about the present which to complete the quote - this very moment is a gift .  So then why do we have such a hard time focusing on the gift of the present?  I mean, here we are, living in a moment that was not promised to us yet we spend most of that moment desperately looking over our shoulder for ghosts of our past while diligently working to avoid them in the future all the while forgetting the present moment that we are so blessed to be in.  I think the challenge of the present is that we have to deal with the ick or consequences from the past so that our future does not con...

I am worthy.  I...AM...WORTHY!  Such a simple statement, yet it has taken me much of my life to realize this about myself.  That previously mentioned sabotage machine that always seems to be fueled and ready at any given time, well besides fear, this machine is fueled by my lack of self worth.  Occasional internal dialogue when I was particularly low: "Why are you pushing so hard?, it never works out for you, truth is, what makes you so special? You really aren't worthy of what you are working for." Sorry, I didn't mean to take you so deep into my head, but it helps make the point and I'm not so lost or feeling that low anymore.   I've come a very long way, but with any freshly healed wound, a wrong move or extra pressure can reopen it and healing has to start all over again.  The upside of reopened wounds is that they are rarely as deep at they originally were because of the deep healing that has already taken place. Okay, so let's get back to feeling...

Layers and layers and layers and layers...peeling back one after another working like hell to get to the core. What i'm finding out is that the layers are less like onion layers and more like a globe of garlic having to peel each clove individually. As soon as you have handled the thin outer layer of an onion, you are at least able to have an overview of what is yet to come with not as many surprises. A Globe of garlic on the other hand requires a surprise in every clove. Perfect and full of flavor or bruised, dry and barely recognizable. So when I wrote my last post proclaiming independence, I had just peeled the perfect clove. It symbolized the great change that I was going through. I was embracing the change. Life was on a real upswing. Breathe...then I felt strong enough to break off another clove anxiously but meticulously peeling off skin only to discover a rotting interior. I take my own advice from previous posts to stop, drop and pray...kinda. Meaning, I stopped (when it w...

Pardon my silence, I have been in the process of finding the road to my own personal independence...again. I think i'm frustrated because I keep making wrong turns. Going left when I should have gone right, making a u-turn when I should have trusted the direction I was going in the first place. This road continues to prove more and more challenging the more I start to realize my potential. The more I become uncomfortable with the status quo. The truth is, I've been spending a lot of time working on me so that we (my family & I) can live a bit more freely, more independently from the constraints of middle class bondage. I get that my struggle is not as tough as many, but man it still is really really really HARD at times. My unpaved occasionally rocky road is putting holes in my shoes, so the last couple weeks of this writing hiatus has been spent sitting at the merge of a fork in the road. Not doing anything, just being. Not thinking or lamenting, just stopping and...

I feel like so many things have been coming my way like rapid fire. I think that is what happens with growth, the Universe realizes you can handle things and decides to gift you with all sorts of exciting and new projects. The funny thing about these projects is that when you are feeling strong enough to carry the weight of the world, you can knock out your to do list 2 to 3 tasks at a time feeling fueled by the completion of it all. So what do you do when the weight becomes to heavy to bear? Well, some people drop it and others carry it until it almost takes them out. Either way, certain things end up falling through the cracks or lost in the shuffle and chaos ensues. Chaos because all those little things although small can form a funnel cloud of details that can destroy every little bit of work that you had already done. Scary! Put down the weight even if it feels like it's making you stronger, and create your process so you avoid the chaos. What does that look like for...

Looking through my files, I've found multiple folders in varying colors all containing pages upon pages of yellowing paper welcoming me to be a part of something that I chose to be a part of. Whether it be a new job, an elite group, health club or some credit card, I would receive a step by step instructional packet of what I could should expect from being one of the chosen few to reap the benefits. "Welcome to our state of the art health club!" "Thank you for being a team player with The BEST Agency, please read on to understand your role." "Welcome to insert credit card company name here, read on to get a more complete picture of our membership rules...don't forget the small print and oh, here is an 800 number you can call to get an answer or any and all of your questions." Well, for the last twenty plus years, I have been looking all over the place for my welcome to life packet or better yet, welcome to adulthood, or welcome to motherhood or...

Today is another successful day. Today I am spiritually grounded and my feeling of love is palpable. Today I do above and beyond my own expectations. Today is good...I am connected to everything and everyone. I am love. I can love fully and understand the meaning of it all. Actually, I'm not sure if I completely understand the meaning of love, but I do love, I can love. God, squeeze my hand when I walk, so I may walk courageously through this day. I have so many behind me, there is no reason to feel less than anything but loved. Stellar! Feel loved today, feel courageous today, feel supported today! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

Good evening folks. I am full of all sorts of emotion as usual, but feeling more solid. My emotions feel like they are like strings on a guitar, they need tuning- tightening, loosening, changing, strumming. They snap when played to aggressively and fray from over usage. There are a few key things that can ensure the strings are getting the best possible usage, care however you want to think of it...The guitar itself should be solid, sturdy and in all around good condition; the owner, caretaker, player should have a full understanding of the ins and outs of the guitar as a whole as well as a loving connection. A few posts prior I spoke of waking up in the AM and loving on myself, and connecting with my spiritual center with prayer and meditation. I noticed, on the days when I consecutively connected and loved on me first thing in the AM, I felt strong, centered and in harmony with my emotional carriage. I fell off the morning spiritual love me fest and found myself completely out o...

It's been to long since i've written last, trust me I know. I'm sorry about that. Really sorry to myself for giving in again to my handy dandy self-sabotage machine. I call it handy because it is always ready and available to take me down. It starts with this back and forth conversation with myself which, lucky me, is replayed over and over again in my head. "You've been here before and it is way to hard for you to get past this part, you can't do this." I wish that I was making that up, but that is a real sentence; a real feeling; a real mental recording that has lodged itself in my memory bank causing a complete and utter battleground in my head! I've prayed, meditated, gone to therapy about this amazing ability of mine to sabotage myself right when I am about to make an astounding breakthrough. I look at it, smile and then do my best to pour salt over it all. I come so close. So close the universe starts giving me motivating nuggets, like p...

These last few days, I've been as mesmerized and moved as Oprah has appeared to be, during the beautifully thought out presentation of the effects of the last 25 years of her life. Being praised and applauded over and over again simply because she answered her call to destiny. She stood speechless and humbled. Living her purpose had caused an indomitable ripple affect, a tidal wave of sorts, only incomprehensibly more massive. On several occasions, she clutched her heart acknowledging that overwhelming emotion welling up inside her. Personally, I think it was God wrapping his arms around her and whispering "this was my vision for you. This is who I always knew you to be." Powerful! All this got me thinking about my own purpose, power and legacy. No, my stage is no where near the size of Oprah's, but then once upon a time, Oprah's own stage paled in comparison to her stage now. The thing is, I was so moved by her ripple affect that it prompted me to want to c...

Ugh..not the best way to start a post, but that is how i'm feeling. The issue is that I tied one on this past weekend and i'm still feeling the residual effects of the alcohol eating away at my liver. Yes, I am way over twenty dumb thing and I should know better than to make such a rookie mistake of not eating well before indulging, but I got caught up in the moment. I got caught up in the uninhibited, let my hair down, feeling free because nobody was watching except for those folks whose hair I might be tripped on. I simply got caught up. So why my ugh? I guess because I feel like I wasted a day trying to recover from my rookie mistake am feeling like this journey I am on had a bit of a set back this weekend. I am human and although I might have been over-served, I was obviously in desperate need of a break a serious mental break and I took one, but at what cost? I think that is why I am stuck at UGH because I wasted a day trying to recover verses actually resting and ...

Such a simple statement, yet so profound, life changing even. A simple statement a co worker of mine made while sharing a story about his son who, by the way was telling his dad how that simple statement he made to him years prior was what seemed to always bring him back to his center. Failure is not final...So I get up everyday and do what I am supposed to do - wake up, shower, dress, make sure my kid is showered, dressed, fed and prepared for the day ahead, while I do the same for work. That is what i'm supposed to do. Yup, a run-on sentence that defines my day to day life of what is supposed to be. It's easy to do this daily dance because I am supposed to; the world expects it, so it is easy to fulfill. Failure is not really an option - I'm expected to work and be a mother. It's the responsible thing to do. So let's discuss what I yearn to do, my personal expectations and make that simple statement...failure is not final...Why has getting to that finish li...

How to approach an old friendship with new eyes and heart has been a continuous challenge. This year has been particularly challenging. I have had multiple friendships change in dynamic. The change has not been negative as much as it has been painfully difficult. So your question to me might be, why have some of your friendship's dynamics changed so much? I guess because I have changed. How I view myself is not the same and in-turn my role has been changed in those relationships, actually it has been turned on it's head. So now my very first sentence, I pose as a question. How do I approach my old friendships with new eyes and heart? This entry really doesn't have a problem/solution happening, but I guess I am hoping for support in hopes that I am doing the right thing. I've heard that the road to self is a lonely one and boy have I had some lonely days, but I guess you can't move forward while looking backward, otherwise expect to trip and/or fall on your ...

G ood morning moms and friends, Here I am a few days later stumbling through the process of learning to love myself… Yup, I’m challenged, but pushing forward because I can’t look back, I don’t want to look back. This my friends, is to important. This is my chance to finally get to the other side of this fear and finally tear through the ribbon at the finish line, only to train for yet another journey, but I digress. It ain’t over till it’s over! So let me tell you about my last couple of days of loving myself. I started Monday morning spending time with my snooze button. My tired body was in a tumultuous battle with my hungry spirit and sadly, the body won. Yes, that disappointment that just laid itself on your heart stayed present with me even after a very long and thorough shower. I lotioned myself and put on the intimates and then stopped...I thought back to the day before and the promise to love myself blindly, unconditionally and on...

Dear moms, I have just had a lovely Mother's Day. My son lovingly woke me up this morning with this single rose, bear and card. He followed that up with the deepest hug and a slew of "why I am so lucky to have you as my mom" sweet nothings. I was done. My heart was bursting. He even blogged about it...Seriously He loves me unconditionally, wow! He loves me with every part of who he is and it is so beautiful and real. So why am I going on and on about this uninhibited show of affection from my child? I guess because I don't have this kind of love for myself. Yes, over the years, I've learned to "love me," but am still working on being in love with me. Loving me with zero inhibitions, blindly and completely unconditional. The big blessing of this day is that I am one of the lucky ones. Besides the obvious roof over my head, food in my belly, employment, internet, free will etc..., I get to be told everyday that I am loved. I get to look into my...

Nourish, Nurture, Sustain, Build...Mother's Milk.. It has come to my attention that more often than not, women, mothers in particular have no idea the power they wield. We have no idea how our internal voice sounds. I realize that I am one of those women who has for so long disregarded my own power and strength and has lived in deafening silence for way to long. This month, I am on a journey to really connect with my inner strength and find my voice. About 6 years ago, I came up with Mother's Milk after my son questioned who I was outside of being his mother. I was taken aback by his question because I could not answer it. That hurt me more than I could imagine. I lost myself on my journey and didn't realize it until my son unwittingly pointed it out to me. I asked other mothers the same question and was met with the same stunned silence that I had expressed to my son. I asked a variety of mothers to write their mother stories. Why? Besides not knowing who they...