Layers and layers and layers and layers...peeling back one after another working like hell to get to the core. What i'm finding out is that the layers are less like onion layers and more like a globe of garlic having to peel each clove individually. As soon as you have handled the thin outer layer of an onion, you are at least able to have an overview of what is yet to come with not as many surprises. A Globe of garlic on the other hand requires a surprise in every clove. Perfect and full of flavor or bruised, dry and barely recognizable.
So when I wrote my last post proclaiming independence, I had just peeled the perfect clove. It symbolized the great change that I was going through. I was embracing the change. Life was on a real upswing. Breathe...then I felt strong enough to break off another clove anxiously but meticulously peeling off skin only to discover a rotting interior. I take my own advice from previous posts to stop, drop and pray...kinda. Meaning, I stopped (when it was time for bed, I closed my eyes thanked God for my day and fell asleep). So instead of refueling adequately to deal with the next clove, I was left open and vulnerable for a possible setback.
It's taken me a very long time to openly express myself through my written words and even longer to share them publicly. I am proud of this, but the setbacks can be a bit disorienting. Not sure if any of you have had these feelings of finally forging ahead and making ridiculous headway only to be dragged way back to a place you thought you handled once upon a time way back when. I think i've come to the conclusion that it is about going back in time to deal with the ick from the past that is embedded in your foundation stifling healthy growth, at least that is my assessment. All I can do is continue moving forward and arm myself with a more fertile solid foundation so I can continue to foster a healthy core or cloves.
Peace
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