Friday, May 27, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Good morning moms and friends,
Here I am a few days later stumbling through the process of learning to love myself…
Yup, I’m challenged, but pushing forward because I can’t look back, I don’t want to look back. This my friends, is to important. This is my chance to finally get to the other side of this fear and finally tear through the ribbon at the finish line, only to train for yet another journey, but I digress. It ain’t over till it’s over!
So let me tell you about my last couple of days of loving myself. I started Monday morning spending time with my snooze button. My tired body was in a tumultuous battle with my hungry spirit and sadly, the body won. Yes, that disappointment that just laid itself on your heart stayed present with me even after a very long and thorough shower. I lotioned myself and put on the intimates and then stopped...I thought back to the day before and the promise to love myself blindly, unconditionally and one that I did not write about - self Judgment.
Believe you/me, I had already had the “you’ve messed up again - It’s not in you -you aren’t worthy - typical of you" recording playing in my head. Well naturally the next most logical thing to do was face myself. I reluctantly approached my mirror. I fought to catch my own gaze. I discovered many new lines, freckles and hairstyle options all while avoiding my own gaze. Why was it so hard? Why was this such a challenge? I finally noticed the little freckle in the corner of my left eye forcing me to actually connect with own big brown eyes. I did it…but now I had to say the words, and mean them. What did I finally tell myself? What did I finally embrace? You are going to be just fine. Oh, by the way, I love how deep and penetrating your eyes are. I…L..LO..I….I LOVE YOU! I felt silly for not having done that sooner, but I promised no judgment.
Tuesday & Wednesday I started my mornings with the same tumultuous battle of tired body and hungry spirit…Spirit triumphed. I woke up with no judgment, just resolve. Pray – Mediate – Exercise – Love yourself and Repeat, pushing for that finish line of this part of my journey.
Nourish Nurture Sustain Build - Mother Milk
So what has having a loving pause in the mirror, a moment of meditation & prayer and a forced 40 minutes of sweat and tears done for me in the last couple of days? It has nourished my soul.
I lost my internet connection, I was yelled at and chastised and oh, my blog disappeared…My usual response to all of this would usually be to shut down and eat everything in sight. This time, I ate everything in sight, but didn't stop the forward progress. Starting my day with nourishing my soul with love and God and goodness seems to be the necessary medicine to keep me grounded. Taking in the world in with my third eye and spiritual mind. I Love me and i'm going to be okay.