MOTHER'S MILK WORLD

It's funny, one gets caught deep in the recesses of their emotions and tries desperately to find their way out only to beat themselves up for getting caught up...Well, I got caught up and beat myself up for being stuck...when everything else around me has been moving forward, emotionally I've been still...very, very still..Like nothing.  Feeling only the periphery of my joy, pain, sadness, pride, fulfillment...I have been my most stoic self.  The difference between the stoic and how I was feeling was the stoic self was/is the act of covering up the emotions verses my non emotions.  I've been asking myself WTF IS GOING? No answer, just silence and no real feelings...wanting desperately to cry...but nothing. I think I've finally realized what has been going on, I've been caught up in the weeds of change.  LOTS AND LOTS of change and overwhelming feelings to boot.  At first I found myself desperately cutting through the tall weeds of change feeling like I was get...

Well, the time has come to say good bye to the sometimes cumbersome and many times rewarding layers of my 30s  and hello to finally embracing the layers of my 40s.  I know life isn't going to be suddenly a walk in the park, but I plan on implementing all those lessons that I've learned thus far and using them to create a flower lined path to and through the park.  I'm starting to get it more now.  Layer 30 was cautiously optimistic while layer 35 was shock and awe as adulthood took on new levels of crazy.  Layers 36 - 38 we'll just call resolve.  It was just time to do Something/anything differently, and I did.  Then there was layer 39, well, it was tough and not until 39 and 1 day till 40 did I realize I was mourning the closing of this 30s section/chapter of my life.  It's a big change, one number which is supposed to represent how far I've come thus far, but it's over and I've come a long way baby, that is the conversation I had with myself. ...

Over the years, I've run into moments in my life where I've gotten caught up in macro verses the micro.  Instead of focusing on getting my footing as I make/made my way up my Kilimanjaro challenge, obstacle, moment whatever, my eyes would instead focus in on the enormity of what was/is ahead/in front of me leaving me feeling overwhelmed and defeated.  I know, I know - "Just put one foot in front of the other" - "focus on the moment you are in" - "don't make a mountain out of a molehill" - "baby steps" etc... What many of us do is spend our time reaching for the very out of reach top of the mountain while steadily climbing toward it ignoring every step we've painstakingly taken thus far. Ignoring these steps is so dangerous. Not accessing how far you've come already can cause you to misinterpret how close you are to attaining your goal causing  you to want to give up and let go...At least that is how I have functioned in th...

At least that is how the saying goes.  I never completely understood what the saying meant, all I knew was that if I cleaned up, God would be proud of me, at least that is how my mom sold it to me.  I've been thinking about this saying lately, or actually, the saying has really been resonating with me lately.  As I gradually get a stronger grip on my ever evolving life, it is becoming more clear why  I was loosening my grip to begin with.  Not at all shocking is that life has been a bit overwhelming and full of barely noticeable changes as well as foundation altering ones.  Each change brought on some level of shift which caused me to loosen my grip on my own personal reality.  A few things started to happen with me.  I was loosening my grip, loosing my grit and I ultimately started loosing my focus.  Man I've been wanting to run away from my life, but since that was not an option, I started to just function to survive and not to live, real...

Just finished working on vision boards with my son.  We've been threatening to do this forever, but life continued to occupy every hour of the day.   I know, my "what I am thankful for this thanksgiving" blog entry is showing a up a few days later because, well, I took the time out to spend with me, my son, my home, my spirit etc.  I had time to just be.  What a great thing! So yes, I am thankful for having the time to sit down with my son and share each others visions in the form of a collage.  I've heard people say that we should treat our lives like a business.  If you live it all willy-nilly without a plan or a purpose, who knows if you will ever get to live your purpose; If you choose to have a plan and a vision for what you want your life to look like, you more than likely will get to the point where you live your very best purpose filled life.  Damn I wish I had that nugget of knowledge much sooner in life... I guess what matters is that I...

Wow, October came and went in wharp speed.  It felt like one second I taking in the gradual changing of leaves and the next I was crunching those same leaves underfoot while trick-or-treating with my kid.  During that wharped reality, I spent many hours working, running around, working, catching glimpses of my son (glimpses only because I was working!) and working again.  My day job kinda consumed so much of my life that I put down my dreams and or purpose.  I stopped taking care of myself too.  No gym, prayer, meditation, eating well or sleep...Just work. So what have I realized during this self imposed hiatus from myself?  That I suddenly felt incredibly lost.  I stopped checking in with my higher self and because I stopped that simple routine of checking in, I started questioning everything.  Questioning my life and prayers and wondering how on earth I was going to make it through to the otherside of the frenetic spell.   How could I get...

This or something better...At least that is what I would love to believe or need to believe as my truth to continue to have faith in the unknown future. Think about it, all you have is hard work, small to no results and encouraging words. And if you are really on the right emotional path you sometimes get that anxious feeling that resides deep your belly. Really?! So then it happens, the universe answers.  It's never anything outright though.  It usually shows up in the form of multiple choice situations.  (a) Do X and leave Y, although X is new, it could maybe be the best decision you ever made...or not (b) Although X sounds good, Y is what you really need to do because, it's just cool or at least that is what everyone else keeps telling you. (c) Do nothing, shut down or retreat and run like hell!  Okay, so (c) is not always the best option, but it is the most consistent option.  (a) & (b) more often than not present themselves in different ways, yet (c)...