MOTHER'S MILK WORLD

It's been an emotionally jarring week for me.  A very large group of people whom I've grown to care about and have worked with for years were released from their duties at the corporate conglomerate that I am still employed by.  Many of us knew it was coming and we knew it would be large, but wow there was nothing that could prepare us for the wave of emotional horror.  Sadness, anger, more sadness, relief, fear, hate, sadness, confusion, fear, sadness, relief and so forth and so on times a 1000. Well, like with just about anything that is traumatic, people congregated at the local watering hole to commiserate...drinking and eating and laughing and crying and hugging all the while feeling dazed and confused at what the future possibly held. The conversations over and over again were about next steps.  The answers varied...Going to Paris, moving out of state, going back to school, cleaning up the resume and joining linked in and the list went on...The interesting ...

The past is history , so why do we hold on to it so intensely?  Why on Earth do we let it control so much of the who what where and why in our lives?  The future is a mystery , yet we bet everything on it and hope and pray that we are right or in some cases wrong about it.  And while we wrack our brains with how to fix our past so our future will not be the same, we forget about the present which to complete the quote - this very moment is a gift .  So then why do we have such a hard time focusing on the gift of the present?  I mean, here we are, living in a moment that was not promised to us yet we spend most of that moment desperately looking over our shoulder for ghosts of our past while diligently working to avoid them in the future all the while forgetting the present moment that we are so blessed to be in.  I think the challenge of the present is that we have to deal with the ick or consequences from the past so that our future does not con...

I am worthy.  I...AM...WORTHY!  Such a simple statement, yet it has taken me much of my life to realize this about myself.  That previously mentioned sabotage machine that always seems to be fueled and ready at any given time, well besides fear, this machine is fueled by my lack of self worth.  Occasional internal dialogue when I was particularly low: "Why are you pushing so hard?, it never works out for you, truth is, what makes you so special? You really aren't worthy of what you are working for." Sorry, I didn't mean to take you so deep into my head, but it helps make the point and I'm not so lost or feeling that low anymore.   I've come a very long way, but with any freshly healed wound, a wrong move or extra pressure can reopen it and healing has to start all over again.  The upside of reopened wounds is that they are rarely as deep at they originally were because of the deep healing that has already taken place. Okay, so let's get back to feeling...

Layers and layers and layers and layers...peeling back one after another working like hell to get to the core. What i'm finding out is that the layers are less like onion layers and more like a globe of garlic having to peel each clove individually. As soon as you have handled the thin outer layer of an onion, you are at least able to have an overview of what is yet to come with not as many surprises. A Globe of garlic on the other hand requires a surprise in every clove. Perfect and full of flavor or bruised, dry and barely recognizable. So when I wrote my last post proclaiming independence, I had just peeled the perfect clove. It symbolized the great change that I was going through. I was embracing the change. Life was on a real upswing. Breathe...then I felt strong enough to break off another clove anxiously but meticulously peeling off skin only to discover a rotting interior. I take my own advice from previous posts to stop, drop and pray...kinda. Meaning, I stopped (when it w...

Pardon my silence, I have been in the process of finding the road to my own personal independence...again. I think i'm frustrated because I keep making wrong turns. Going left when I should have gone right, making a u-turn when I should have trusted the direction I was going in the first place. This road continues to prove more and more challenging the more I start to realize my potential. The more I become uncomfortable with the status quo. The truth is, I've been spending a lot of time working on me so that we (my family & I) can live a bit more freely, more independently from the constraints of middle class bondage. I get that my struggle is not as tough as many, but man it still is really really really HARD at times. My unpaved occasionally rocky road is putting holes in my shoes, so the last couple weeks of this writing hiatus has been spent sitting at the merge of a fork in the road. Not doing anything, just being. Not thinking or lamenting, just stopping and...

I feel like so many things have been coming my way like rapid fire. I think that is what happens with growth, the Universe realizes you can handle things and decides to gift you with all sorts of exciting and new projects. The funny thing about these projects is that when you are feeling strong enough to carry the weight of the world, you can knock out your to do list 2 to 3 tasks at a time feeling fueled by the completion of it all. So what do you do when the weight becomes to heavy to bear? Well, some people drop it and others carry it until it almost takes them out. Either way, certain things end up falling through the cracks or lost in the shuffle and chaos ensues. Chaos because all those little things although small can form a funnel cloud of details that can destroy every little bit of work that you had already done. Scary! Put down the weight even if it feels like it's making you stronger, and create your process so you avoid the chaos. What does that look like for...

Looking through my files, I've found multiple folders in varying colors all containing pages upon pages of yellowing paper welcoming me to be a part of something that I chose to be a part of. Whether it be a new job, an elite group, health club or some credit card, I would receive a step by step instructional packet of what I could should expect from being one of the chosen few to reap the benefits. "Welcome to our state of the art health club!" "Thank you for being a team player with The BEST Agency, please read on to understand your role." "Welcome to insert credit card company name here, read on to get a more complete picture of our membership rules...don't forget the small print and oh, here is an 800 number you can call to get an answer or any and all of your questions." Well, for the last twenty plus years, I have been looking all over the place for my welcome to life packet or better yet, welcome to adulthood, or welcome to motherhood or...